Panic attacks - everybody has them, right?

It is that time of the semester again, I had a panic attack. I, normally, tend to have them in the middle of the day when I start to realize how much I still have to do and how little time I have left. Normally. This time I had it at 5am on a Saturday morning. I only woke up because I needed to use the bathroom real quick. So a sleepy me stumbled into the bathroom with my eyes closed because I still was very tired and did not want to wake up completely. However, I did not think about having a panic attack at 5am on a Saturday morning. By the time, I stumbled back into my nice warm and cozy bed, threw my cover over me and turned onto my left side (I only fall asleep on the left side, I know I am weird), I was wide awake. Like really and completely wide awake. And then it came. Completely unannounced. Now, I guess you are wondering why I was having a panic attack. Well, before I go into detail, I have to explain a few things first. I am almost done with college. I only have one more semester to go until I have gathered all of my essential credit points in order to start writing my master thesis and then graduate. Nevertheless, I still have to and also want to do an internship. For the past few months, I have applied literally everywhere. I want to find an internship abroad. Preferably, in the USA.

Back to my panic attack. There I was laying in my bed at 5am, wide awake and starting to think. Not a good sign. 1000 what-if-questions and other questions suddenly popped into my head. What if I will not find an internship? What will I do then? What if I do find one? Will it be the one I really want? Will the people like me? Will I be able to do my work good? What if I find one in the USA? Where will I live? When I will find a place, how will I pay rent? I do not have a bank account in the US. I have to find a place with furniture. What if I only find one without furniture? How will I get at least a mattress to sleep on? What if it is the only chance to get to work by car? How will I do that? Will there be a public transportation system? How much will it all costs? Am I able to pay for all of it? I only have a limited budget. ß Those questions were only concerned with the internship. Many more about other issues also popped into my head. How will I be able to hand in all my term papers in time? How will I be able to understand the stupid short story I have a presentation about? I still have to pay my tuition for next semester. Time is running way to fast; I have so much to do. And so on. While I was asking myself all those question, I started feeling hot and then cold again. After like an hour, I somehow fell back asleep again. When I woke up later, I had to laugh and asked myself, if I really had a panic attack at 5 am on a Saturday morning. Well, apparently I had one, because I found a piece of paper on which I scribbled some notes in the middle of the night.

The conclusion of my panic attack was that I could not do anything on a Saturday. Especially for my internship. I first have to find one and then start thinking and planning all the other things. (FYI, I am planner, I never leave the house, let alone leave the country, without having a plan and pretty much everything worked out.) As of my term papers and presentation, I calmed myself down, that it will work out just fine. I have always managed it somehow.

Most of the time, I ask myself why do I have such attacks so unexpectedly. I mean, I know that I have to figure out all of these questions at some point. But why do they all have to pop into my head at the same time? And so sudden? I

Well, people, that was my story about my little freak-out. I always tell myself, I am not the only one who has them. Everyone has them from time to time.