Well guys, it is official. I am a college graduate. With a Master’s degree. After six years of classes, exams, studying like a maniac, I am done with college. I am done with college. I am a college graduate. I am a college graduate with an actual diploma. I am sorry for repeating this so often, but I still kind of not believing this whole being a college graduate kind of thing. It has not settled in yet, I guess. If feels weird and anti-climactic. It has been a little over three weeks since my very, very last final exam and a few days since I picked up my diploma. For those who are wondering, yes I had to pick up my diploma in the office at my university. Yes, this is kind of weird and feels unofficial. And yes, I am actually kind of pissed of not really having an official ceremony where I will get my diploma. Oh, I am sorry, there will be a an official something. BUT, I will have to give my diploma back before I will receive it again. Then, some important person will say three words and will hand out the diplomas again. This whole thing should take about 20 mins. Great ceremony right? I don’t think so.
Anyway, I am a college graduate. I cannot repeat it enough. I probably have to, just to believe it. I don’t know when that will start. But I guess I have to start believing it because now the real life thing is about to get real. It already started to get real. I just avoid it getting real. But, I guess I have to start at some point. My college life is officially over since a couple of days. There is nothing left at school. And there is nothing left for me to do at school. What do people say? It is time for me to spread my wings and fly. You know, my big, major, large question here is: Fly where?
I keep asking myself the same questions all over in head. Day in day out. Before I go to sleep. After I wake up. During the day. What to do now? What do to with my life? What to do everyday? What in the world do I want to do?
I know very well that the next step for me is to find a job. An actual job that pays more than 450 € every month. And believe me when I say, that I cannot wait to earn more money. And I already applied for several positions in different fields. By the way, apparently very few companies do reply if they received your application. And very few companies — almost none — reply at all. I think that is very rude and unfair because we, the applicants, wait for answers on how far the whole application process is. And I have several „open“ applications — which I have sent out months ago — from which I never heard a thing. I believe the positions are already filled but it would be nice to get some kind of information, even it is a rejection.
I already applied for different jobs. But I am not sure what I actually want. It is hard to figure that out. I did not major in business, economics, natural sciences or something with engineering, in which your paths are exactly mapped out for you. I majored in liberal arts — cultural and literary studies to be exact. And there is no map. Finding a job in this field is not that easy. First, you actually have to figure out what you want to do. There are many fields one is able to go to. Journalism, publishing, cultural things, research or one is also able to go into economic or things like that with a little extra training. But as previously mentioned, you first have to figure out what field you want to pursue a career in. And I am not quite sure what I want. I am applying for different things and I am searching for different opportunities. But in the meantime I have to figure out what I want to do. Secondly, when you finally figure out what you want to do, you actually have to find a position. And believe me, all I have been hearing, this is not easy. I am doing everything at the same time. Figuring out what I want and searching and applying for a job. And at the same time, I am also incredibly freaked out I won't figure out what I want and won't find a job and end up getting an unemployment check every month.
As much as I don't want to admit it but I feel lost. Everyone keeps telling me that I will find something soon. A job, they mean. And I do believe them, but at the same time I don’t. Sometimes I feel incredibly sure about my future and what I want to do, and sometimes I don’t have clue. It is a freakin’ circle I can’t seem to break out of. However, I still am the optimistic person I’ve always been. I know that someday I will find my true calling and figure exactly out what I want. And at some point I will find the perfect first real job. I just have to keep applying and hoping.
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